Celebrating year one!

My blog turned a year old last weekend!  I can’t believe it!  There are times when I feel like I’ve been doing this forever & times when I feel like I just started.

So much has happened this year.  I love looking back at pictures & watching my kids grow.  My brother, Kevin got married & now I have another wonder sister-in-law, Heather.  I remember Grandpa Jack & Grandma June, who both passed away this year.  Also, remember how stressed I was about Garrett & the bus?  Or all my Grocery Shopping Adventures?

I wrote this in my very first post:

“I have been writing this week & stressing over the fact that I can’t think of a “perfect” way to introduce my blog.  It finally clicked that it doesn’t have to be perfect, just honest.”

I’ve tried to honor that ever since.  I want to be seen for who I really am.  For me, that means sharing my joys, my struggles, my insecurities, my questions & my faith, & everything I hold dear.

Thanks to all of you for journeying with me.  It’s more fun with others come along for the ride!!

I had 304 posts this year and you all left 972 comments!

This post wins “Most Links!”  Can you make it through all of them?  😉

Here are a couple of my favorites…

AVA

Scooby-Doo video.  This was when the kids were supposed to be in bed.  I could hear them jumping around upstairs & found…

GARRETT

Lots to chose from!  However, the Diego post always makes me laugh!!

GRADY

Where to begin with Grady??  I hit a blog bump a while back & a friend suggested I write about something I never thought I dreamed about being a mom.  That night, I went to Grady’s room & here’s the post that came from that night…

ADAM

My sweet love!  He is my best friend & as cheesy as it may sound, I just can’t imagine my life without him in it.  Here is when he hijacked my blog for my birthday!

A FEW MORE…

• This was one of the hardest posts I wrote & probably one of my most revealing.

• “The Art of TP” – one of the ways I deal with my kids’ shenanigans is to keep a sense of humor about it (we’ll see if I’m saying the same thing when they’re teenagers…)  Here we go: The Set-up,  Step I, Step 2, Step 3 & Step 4!

• Along the same lines is Adventures in Grocery Shopping, part 2!

• Reclaiming our Territory – remember Adam & I gating the hallway & this result…?!

• That darn cicada!

• And finally, happily ever after.

I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween.  I’ll have our pictures up on Monday!!

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Oh my word…LOL!

My kids were watching “Yo Gabba Gabba!” the other night.

They have a segment called “Cool Tricks.”

In this particular episode, this guy hand farts “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”  Adam & I couldn’t stop laughing!!  We even replayed it again & laughed even harder the second time around.

Yeah, we know…we’re juvenile, but it’s still hilarious!

(added later…you can also click this link to see the video!)

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Date Night

not with Adam…

with Ava!

We did a dinner/movie combo last night.  First, we went out to eat.  She picked Wendy’s – she loves their chicken nuggets.  From there we went to see High School Musical 3.  Ava really likes the HSM series, so she’s been anxious to see this latest installment.  It was cute – at times I felt like I was watching a very long music video, but overall, we enjoyed it.  Ava told me her favorite part was the graduation and the dancing.  It’s fun that she likes musicals so much.  I was the same way as a little girl!

It was a fun girls night out…I love Mommy/Daughter time!

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Boo! at the Zoo

We spent Saturday afternoon at the Brookfield Zoo.

The weather was crisp, but comfortable – perfect for walking around.

We went with our friends Craig, Cid, Lexi & Nate.  It’s always fun to share these outings with other people.  Ava really looked up to Lexi, who is a few years older than her.  Lexi was so sweet to her!

The kids were sooo excited – especially Garrett.  He couldn’t wait to see the monkeys & he asked about them all day.  The Monkey House isn’t my favorite place.  Don’t get me wrong, I love watching the monkeys – especially the gorillas.  However, it’s normally so crowded in there, you can barely move, let alone get to a place where you can really see.  Oh, and I get claustrophobic…I like my space!  However, the crowds were thin on Saturday in the Monkey House, so I, we, enjoyed the time in there much more.

Thanks Rich & Katie for the tickets – we had a great time!!

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Changing

I saw someone I haven’t spoken to in nearly four years the other night.

It was late & I was leaving a store.  As I made my way through the parking lot, I heard a familiar voice & then my stomach dropped.  She was on her cell phone & getting out of her car.  And of course, she was parked in the aisle I needed to go down.

It was dark & I don’t think she noticed it was me.  So, I had a split second to make a choice.  Would I continue down the aisle & pass her?    If I did that then I’d have to decide, would I say “hello?”  Would I stop to talk?  Would I keep walking?

Well, I did none of those things.

I altered my path & went down a different aisle.

Because I still can’t say hello yet.

I used to consider this woman a very good friend.  We’d talk on the phone, hang out as families & we served together.  I confided in her, laughed with her & thought she was a genuine friend to me.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  I found out she would rip me apart behind my back & say things no friend ever should.

I never really had closure on this whole thing because I didn’t confront her directly.  I just stopped calling & she never called back.

I never got to ask why.  And I think that’s part of why I can’t say hello.  There is an immature part of me that wants an apology.  However, that part is very small.  You see, I made a choice.  I chose to forgive her & there aren’t any strings attached to forgiveness.  I forgive her even if she never admits to her cruelty.  I can’t control what people do.  But, I can control how I respond to their actions.

I choose forgiveness.

I used to believe that when I forgave someone, it would mean I wouldn’t hurt anymore.  I’m not so sure I believe that anymore.  Betrayal hurts.  Especially from a close friend.  However, it’s one thing to feel hurt or disappointed.  It’s entirely different to feel resentful or seek revenge.  I’m recognizing that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean the hurt goes away.  So, there may always be a part of me that will hurt a little.  And that’s okay.

I’m also learning that forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to keep certain people in your life.  Saying hello would be opening a part of me up to her again.  And I’m not ready for that.

Do you know what?

I’m thankful for the hurt.

I’m thankful because it’s part of how I was able to forgive her.  On one particular day, I went to the book of Genesis & read through the story of creation.  I’ve always enjoyed this story & I’ve read it many times.  However, this time, there was a phrase that kept jumping out at me. After God made something, He’d look on what He created, and He saw that it was good.  There it was over & over again…it was good.  We are God’s creation.  And everything God made was good.  And when I grasped that truth, I was able to let go of the bitterness & forgive her.  He made us good.  However, we have a free will.  And sometimes good people are cruel.  And sometimes good people make mean choices.  And sometimes they don’t even feel bad about it.  But in the end, that is between them & God.

One of my favorite parts in “I’m Not Who I Was” is this line:

Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace
Is the chance to give it out
Maybe that’s what love is all about

I think four years ago I was fueled by wanting her to know that I knew what she did…that I knew what she said…that I knew she was a bad friend.

But, I’m different now.

I pray for her.  I’ve prayed that she would meet people who would love her & could show her what it really means to be a friend.  People who could be to her what she couldn’t be to me.

I’m not who I was.

Maybe she’s changed too.

Maybe one day I’ll find out.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to say hello.

I’m not there yet.

But I’d like to be.

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Life Change

(Here’s attempt #2…just found out that the initial time I posted this, the video wouldn’t play.  It works now!)

This song has been hitting close to home lately.

Tell you why tomorrow…

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taking care of your customers

About 2 months ago, I shared this post about my blood drawing/account mixup/blood redraw/crazy fear.

We got our bill recently & after all insurance deductions, we still owed over $700.

OUCH!!

Adam recently followed up with them to make sure we weren’t being charged twice.  They took all of our information, said they’d look into it & follow-up with us.

Well…

A hospital representative called the other day & expressed her sincere apologies for the mix-up & my having to have the same set of tests run twice.  She completely owned up to the fact that the error was on the hospital’s end & said they were reversing all charges.

WOW!!!!

And I believe my response to her was just that!  I told her how much I appreciated this & how refreshing it was to hear someone not only admit to a mistake they made, but to then go out of their way to make things right.

In times when it seems like everyone is trying to take as much as they can, it’s nice to know some are still willing to give.

That is huge to me.

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For Angela

Here is the great Gene Kelly & Olivia Newton-John in “Whenever You’re Away From Me.”

Quick setup:

Gene is reminiscing about his Big Band days from the 1940’s.

The tap dancing starts around the 3 minute marker!

(This is the best clip I could find.  Unfortunately, whoever made this made a big dancing no-no & cut their feet out of part of the frame.  It’s not like this in full screen – sorry!).

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I heart Xanadu

I love this movie.

I get teased constantly about it, but I don’t care!  I mean, come on, Olivia Newton-John, Gene Kelly, roller skating musical – how can you not get excited?

I saw it for the first time when I was in kindergarten, I think.  We had the movie on VHS (yeah!) & I watched it all the time.  My mom had the record & I’d play it all the time.  I’d get out the turkey baster, pretend it was a mic, and sing it all the time.

Ahhh, how I miss those days!

I’m a big Olivia Newton-John fan.  In fact, one of the bonuses of marrying Adam was I got to add “Newton” to my name. 😉

We were just talking about the movie at work yesterday (apparently I’m the ONLY one who has seen it…).  The movie was made into a musical and…

IT IS COMING TO CHICAGO IN JANUARY!!

Who’s comin with me?!  So far, it’s only me & Holly (thanks Holly).  This was a surprise hit on Broadway & won the Outer Critics Circle “Best New Musical” award.  If you need some more persuasion, you can check out the Broadway link here.

I was so excited I got out the tape last night & made Adam watch it with me.  Major hubby points for that one!

Okay, so the plot’s a little weak…doesn’t matter.

Rock on Olivia!

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to, not for

I saw this on Kem Meyer’s blog yesterday.  She was giving some insight into Mark Waltz’s new book, Lasting Impressions.  Think about it…

We are not responsible for people but to them. Being responsible TO our people is quite different. And incredibly freeing.

• When I’m responsible to people I understand they have a choice. When I’m responsible for people I think I should decide for them.
• When I’m responsible to people I know they must figure out their next step. When I’m responsible for people I try to tell them what their next step is.
• When I’m responsible to people I allow them to bear the brunt of the consequences for their own chosen actions. When I’m responsible for people I assume the guilt, or worse the shame, for them.
• When I’m responsible to people I engage in their journey, offering encouragement and teaching. When I’m responsible for people I try to direct their journey, never allowing them to wrestle, mess up or make a wrong turn.
• When I’m responsible to people I talk to God on their behalf. When I’m responsible for people I talk to people a lot on God’s behalf.

Wow!  This is applicable in the way we interact with people in so many areas…the home, church, the office, at school, on the playground, etc…

After reading this, I started thinking a lot about parenting.  Right now, I’m more responsible for Ava, Garrett & Grady, than to them.  They can handle some minor decisions, but overall they still need Adam & I to guide them & direct their path.  However, as they continue to grow, we’ll need to let go of some of the control.  We’ll have to learn to do a little less steering & instead ride along side them (hopefully in the shot gun position as opposed to the backseat!).

Lasting Impressions hits the bookshelves on Dec. 8th – looking forward to it!

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monday morning action

Like the title?

I can’t take credit for it.  Dennis used the phrase recently & I decided to make it a new feature on this blog.  I’m going to start journaling my Sunday night reflections & see how they evolve into Monday morning actions.  It’s just another way for me to see God’s fingerprints on my life & how He continues to grow & challenge me.

Today we were asked about an area in our life God is calling us to change.  Instantly, one word hit me…

Grace.

I’m really good at extending it to others.  I’m not being boastful, just real.   When I think about all Christ did for you & me when He laid down His life on the cross, I am so humbled.  So who am I to withhold grace from anyone?  Choosing to forgive rather than hold a grudge is very sweet indeed.

However…

I struggle with extending grace to myself.  Actually that is an understatement.  It’s more accurate to say I rarely give myself any grace.

Why is it I can extend grace so willingly & so freely to anyone, but me?  I know I’m hard on myself & at times burden myself unrealistic expectations.  Believe me, I fully get that I’m not perfect & that I’ll do something stupid pretty much daily – I learned that one a LOOOOOONG time ago!  I just get so disappointed when I screw up & then have trouble letting it go.

One verse in particular stood out today:

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

Gee, that sounds so easy, doesn’t it?  So why do I make it so darn complicated?  Even as I sit here writing, I feel like I’m trying to convince myself of this truth.

Why do we hold on to past mistakes & beat ourselves up with regret?  We say things like “just let it go” like it’s so easy.  Yet, I find when it comes to giving grace to myself, I do a better job of clenching my fist than opening my hand.

I know this broken behavior isn’t something that will heal overnight.  However, I pray that in time I will learn to hold on to a mistake long enough to examine it, reflect on it & learn from it.  But, then remember, I am forgiven…and give myself a little grace.

I like the group Downhere.  They have a song called “Forgive Yourself” & I’ve played it a couple times tonight.  Just waiting for it to sink in I guess.

You keep laying down $100 bills
On the counter of your untamed guilt
And you’ll keep paying out from your empty purse
Until you feel you’ve satisfied your curse
No one here is throwing stones
But you have got to drop your own

Forgive yourself, forgive yourself
Anyone who bears a scar wants to forget it
Forgive yourself, forgive yourself
Nothing ever frees you more than just believing
That you’ve been forgiven, come out of the prison

Can you tell me how you spend every day
Looking in the mirror of your shame
And staring like a judge, you are ruling for yourself
You tied a stone around your neck
You’re drowning in a past regret

Don’t believe it’s okay to be like this
Don’t believe you deserve to live like this
‘Cause every part of you wants to know
Just one reason why you should let go

Forgive yourself, forgive yourself
Nothing ever frees you more than just believing
Come out of the prison
You’ve been delivered

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perfect comfort food

I’m a mac ‘n cheese girl.

Always have been.  Always will be.

When we go to parties, and I’ll usually hear, “We can make mac ‘n cheese for the kids.”  And inside I do a little, “Yes!” accompanied by the knee bend & pulling back of the elbow move.

My friend, Lori, made my beloved dish for my family when Grady was born.  It was the BEST dish of mac ‘n cheese EVER!!  So, of course I asked for the recipe.

This recipe goes well with fall weather & just makes you feel all warm inside – like all good comfort food should.

If you have time this weekend, give it a try!

btw – I’ve made the dish once with Gruyere & once with pecorino Romano cheese.  I prefer the Gryere – it’s more expensive, but adds a nicer flavor.

This recipe is one of Martha Stewart’s.  Just check out what she says about the final step in baking this dish:

“The sauce will bubble, seeping into the hollows of your macaroni. When the smell of butter and browning cheese makes your stomach growl, you’ll know the dish is ready to eat.”

Nuf said!  Okay, here you go…

(You can easily divide this recipe in half; use a 1 1/2-quart casserole dish if you do.)

Serves 12
6 slices good-quality white bread, crusts removed, torn into 1/4- to 1/2-inch pieces
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter, plus more for dish
5 1/2 cups milk
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
4 1/2 cups (about 18 ounces) grated sharp white cheddar
2 cups (about 8 ounces) grated Gruyere or 1 1/4 cups (about 5 ounces) grated pecorino Romano
1 pound elbow macaroni

1. Heat the oven to 375 degrees. Butter a 3-quart casserole dish; set aside. Place bread pieces in a medium bowl. In a small saucepan over medium heat, melt 2 tablespoons butter. Pour butter into the bowl with bread, and toss. Set the breadcrumbs aside. In a medium saucepan set over medium heat, heat milk. Melt remaining 6 tablespoons butter in a high-sided skillet over medium heat. When butter bubbles, add flour. Cook, stirring, 1 minute.

2. Slowly pour hot milk into flour-butter mixture while whisking. Continue cooking, whisking constantly, until the mixture bubbles and becomes thick.

3. Remove the pan from the heat. Stir in salt, nutmeg, black pepper, cayenne pepper, 3 cups cheddar, and 1 1/2 cups Gruyere or 1 cup pecorino Romano. Set cheese sauce aside.

4. Fill a large saucepan with water. Bring to a boil. Add macaroni; cook 2 to 3 fewer minutes than manufacturer’s directions, until outside of pasta is cooked and inside is underdone. (Different brands of macaroni cook at different rates; be sure to read the instructions.) Transfer the macaroni to a colander, rinse under cold running water, and drain well. Stir macaroni into the reserved cheese sauce.

5. Pour the mixture into the prepared casserole dish. Sprinkle remaining 1 1/2 cups cheddar and 1/2 cup Gruyere or 1/4 cup pecorino Romano; scatter breadcrumbs over the top. Bake until browned on top, about 30 minutes. Transfer dish to a wire rack to cool for 5 minutes; serve.

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Christmas in October?

I have a little secret…

I. Love. Christmas. Music.

Love it! And, it’s really helped me with my cleaning! Seriously, there are times when the pile of dishes in the sink makes me want to just go to bed & throw the covers over my head. But then, I put on a little Christmas music & suddenly, I’m like a new person. I can actually feel joy bubble up inside of me – while cleaning!! I know, it sounds a little much, but hey, it works for me. POG & MercyMe have some great Christmas albums & I particularly enjoy those. If you have any favorites, feel free to share them here!

So, the other day I could hear the kids at the top of the stairs. Ava kept saying something about needing the “perfect” tree topper. I slowly & quietly made my way toward them & here’s what I found…

All the Christmas music is obviously having an effect. They are now decorating my plants! They take Ava’s hair accessories & go to town. Oh, & as you can see, they did indeed find that perfect topper – it’s a starfish!!

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A Great Song

Yesterday, I shared how God is refining me by further getting my eyes off of myself.

My buddy Erik, over at Brain Nuggets, just put up this video by Brandon Heath.

It’s called “Give Me Your Eyes.”

This says it all!!

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Won’t you be my neighbor?

Adam & I moved into our home seven years ago.  We were so excited!  This was our first house & we couldn’t wait to meet our neighbors.  We never really got the chance to know the people in our apartment.  Sure, there was the quick passing in the hallway or at the main door, but encounters were rare. When we looked in the area, we noticed lots of young families.  We knew we wanted kids soon, so the neighborhood seemed perfect.

We moved into our home on an afternoon in August.  Now, whenever a new family moved into our neighborhood growing up, my mom would bake a plate of goodies & take all of us kids over to meet them.  So, I had the same expectation.  Our neighborhood was already established & our house was the last one built.  So, we were the last couple to move in.  I remember moving boxes & wondering what our neighbors were like.

No one came over that day.  I didn’t think too much of it.  After all, we were so focused on getting everything inside!  However, one day quickly faded to the next & still, no one came.  I remember feeling so let down.  It wasn’t the goodies I was looking forward to (okay, maybe a little…).  This is where we were going to raise our family & these were the people who were going to be part of our life now.  And, I guess deep down I was hoping they would be as excited about meeting us as we were about meeting them.  Good news:  over time we eventually met people & now we know our neighbors fairly well & our kids have fun playing together.

Now…

The house behind us has been empty for three or four years.  We have been hoping for a family to move in and just about two months ago, one finally did.  After sharing my experience about moving in to our neighborhood, you’d think I’d have been over right away to introduce our family.  However…

I never went.

I kept thinking I’d see them in the backyard & then I’d make my over to say, “hello.”  That opportunity never came & I let time go by, blaming the fence that separates our yards instead of myself.

This really hit me hard the other day.  I’m such a hypocrite!  I knew first hand how it felt to move into a new neighborhood & how disappointed I was when no one came over.  And here I was doing the exact same thing.

So, today I did what I should have done two months ago.

I baked a batch of brownies & went around the block to introduce myself.  I was nervous – I’m usually a little nervous when I meet new people.  I’m always afraid I’ll quickly run out of things to say or questions to ask.  On the way over, I kept thinking about what I would say.  How would I explain the amount of time it took to come over?  Then came the second whack – I needed to own up to my own inadequacy & not try to excuse it away.  Bottom line was I didn’t have a good reason.  I was lazy & too wrapped up in my own life to take a few minutes to say, “hi.”  How pathetic…

Anyway, my neighbor is really nice!  I got to meet one of her sons too – turns out they have a boy who is Garrett’s age.  I apologized for not coming by sooner & we chatted for a little while before I made my way back home.  And they’re Bears fans – extra bonus for Adam!

I’ve been working on “noticing.”  It was something I felt convicted about after the last sermon series.  One of the ways God is refining me is to get my eyes beyond the four walls of my home & really start paying attention to the other people around me.  It’s so easy for me to get consumed with the routine of my daily life.  I believe we’re called to give each other more than passing moments.

Time to start living it.

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